I first stumbled throughout Erika Dus’ Instagram profile again within the fall of 2024. Like a lot of you, I’m positive, I used to be getting served numerous suburban-Swifties-for-Harris-walking content material (normally whereas the topic was sporting a weighted vest). I used to be drawn to her love of TayTay, however I used to be additionally actually drawn to her unapologetic realness. This, I may inform, was a girl in a a lot redder place than I used to be, being daring. I instantly preferred her.
Quick ahead a handful of months, Dus remains to be at it. She’s not afraid to tackle the RFK Jr. acolytes that appear to have gleefully flooded everybody’s feedback on Instagram within the days after the election. However her account isn’t all politics; it’s additionally health and relatable content material about elevating toddlers and being a midwestern mother.
I received the possibility to speak with Dus through Zoom and find out about how she received began, how she handles the haters and extra.
Scary Mommy: How previous is your daughter?
Erika Dus: She simply turned three to start with of April. … I am 44. I spent most of my life pondering I used to be not going to have youngsters. I suppose I am sugarcoating it to say I did not have an actual robust drive. The fact is I used to be very very similar to, “Youngsters will not be for me.”
SM: So what modified?
ED: Wanting again, I am optimistic that I spent numerous time in relationships that weren’t the proper relationships and it wasn’t a secure area to have youngsters. And I had different issues that I used to be extra centered on. And as soon as I hit my 40s, I began slowing down, I met my husband, circumstances modified to an extent, and abruptly, I had this sense that like, Perhaps I may do that. So it modified fairly rapidly for me. Simply the truth that it modified is one thing that I’ve struggled with. I’ve spent most of my life so aggravated by the truth that individuals inform me, You simply have not met the proper man. Like, whoa, that is so patronizing.
So I believe that, not that there is fact to that, however in case you are not in a state of affairs the place it feels secure to do one thing, then you definitely’re not going to do it. So when circumstances change, conditions change, new prospects come to the entrance.
SM: Proper. So the place are you in Ohio?
ED: I am simply west of downtown Cleveland.
SM: The place are you from initially?
ED: Born and raised slightly bit additional west of right here. Ohio is a really red-looking state proper now, however we’ve got two huge blue dots: Columbus, which is the capital after which Cleveland. Ohio’s bizarre since you speak to individuals who have grown up in Ohio, and in the event you’ve grown up exterior of Cleveland or Columbus, your expertise could be very very similar to city, immigrant-driven, melting pots. However then in the event you speak to somebody who’s grown up in a extra rural space of Ohio, their expertise is completely totally different.
SM: You began on Instagram after your daughter was born?
ED: My background was in media gross sales. My plan was all the time to return to work. By no means in one million years was I like, I’ll be joyful as a stay-at-home mother. I had her on the tail finish of COVID. In our space, it was very tough to seek out childcare, clearly not simply right here, numerous locations…. Lengthy story brief, I ended up staying residence.
And it grew to become obvious fairly rapidly that I really like my daughter and I really like being her mother, however there may be this big lacking piece of my very own sense of non-public achievement and accomplishments and drive and talent that was lacking. And I additionally was recognized with extreme postpartum anxiousness once I had her. In order that lasted a few 12 months and I am positive that that impacted all the things as properly. At that time, I knew I needed to do one thing. I wanted to do one thing that felt… that I used to be producing one thing of worth that contributes both to society or to my household or to one thing that I am constructing. In order that was a part of what received me serious about beginning the account. And likewise… that is the primary time in historical past that we’ve got more women becoming moms in their 40s than of their teen years, which, primary is wild, however what it means is that our expertise as moms or expertise as turning into moms and discovering our identification seems to be completely totally different than it did for our mothers and grandmothers. You’ll look to your mom or your grandmother for recommendation, however they didn’t have the expertise of navigating postpartum melancholy into perimenopause.
SM: Proper.
ED: I used to be in search of sources on this and there was simply this big hole. And I believed to myself, Properly, if it does not exist, we’ll have to start out creating it. A big a part of my motivation was, If I am in search of this, then different individuals in my state of affairs should even be in search of this. And on the very least, I might be somebody who’s saying, Hey, you are not alone.
I get known as cringe on the web on a regular basis, which at this level, it rolls off my again. Cool, in the event you assume I am cringe, 28-year-old Gen Z dude commenting on my movies, which means I am in all probability speaking in regards to the issues that different persons are experiencing, however do not feel secure speaking about. So I am okay with that. However nobody’s speaking about the way you get executed going by the hormonal shifts, evening sweats, weight acquire, weight reduction after which lastly getting your physique again to your self after which, simply kidding, it is nonetheless not yours, now you’ve gotten evening sweats, however they’re simply pushed by one thing else.
SM: What do you say to the 28-year-old dudes who’re following you? The 2 belongings you in all probability get essentially the most hate for are your politics and also you’re being outspoken about ladies’s well being, which frequently go hand in hand. What do you do with these individuals?
ED: I vacillate honestly. There’s a part of me that’s like, I want to guard my psychological well being and simply bless, block and launch. If we’ll discuss hate feedback, there’s totally different buckets. The profile I’ve in-built my head is like, Okay, you are the indignant proper wing Gen Z man and also you may go away a remark that is like, You are so previous … They’re like weak-sauce third grade insult feedback like, What? Does this rating you factors on the playground in grade faculty, You simply look previous and that is why you are on the web? I am 44. You assume calling me previous goes to harm my emotions, man? Come on. So there’s that bucket of individuals.
There’s additionally a bucket of hate feedback from males particularly that I believe need to be yelled at by ladies on the web. I believe they get slightly little bit of one thing from it, so that does not trouble me, but it surely creeps me out slightly bit. I attempt to not feed that troll an excessive amount of. There’s additionally a 3rd group, which I’ve seen an enormous rise in recently. It is actually disappointing and irritating, and that’s individuals who very clearly have politics which might be totally different from mine. I am simply going to say it: they’re enamored of Elon Musk and the machismo bravado of Donald Trump and worship on the foot of meanness and bullying.
And the variety of feedback within the final 4 months utilizing the R phrase has completely skyrocketed. I simply discover it completely revolting that persons are utilizing that phrase, that they are laughing about it, that it is like this badge of honor. I discover it so fascinating that people who find themselves like, RFK Jr. is nice as a result of he needs to ‘treatment’ autism, are additionally this similar group of people who find themselves like, I am so glad that we will use the R phrase freely once more with out penalties. I do not perceive the psychological gymnastics that is required to have a foot in each of these locations, however I am going to let you know what I do: I make these feedback into content material.
My child is three and he or she’s a woman and he or she’s going to spend so much extra time on this earth with out me right here to guard her than I’ve to spend. These guys are shaping the world that she’s going to reside in. If I do not push again on that with all the things that I’ve, I will not be capable of sleep at evening.
SM: I suppose you are simply stronger than I’m. It could actually piss me off.
ED: It does piss me off. And I believe that could be a sort of energy. Energy is available in totally different varieties. Content material creation is mentally and emotionally exhausting. It is draining. I believe you want one thing that retains you going. Have been you ever a Seinfeld fan?
SM: Yeah.
ED: Have you learnt when Jerry returns the jacket they usually’re like, What’s your cause for returning the jacket? and he is like, Spite. This can be a spite return. To start with, that is hilarious. I really like Seinfeld and I all the time have, however spite might be fairly motivating and fairly highly effective. And if somebody’s leaving feedback which might be making me indignant, I can sit with that anger and simply really feel downtrodden and discouraged or I can flip it into gasoline. And I am turning it into gasoline as a result of the reality of the matter is I am 44, I’ve received 40 good years left, proper? My child is three and he or she’s a woman and he or she’s going to spend so much extra time on this earth with out me right here to guard her than I’ve to spend. These guys are shaping the world that she’s going to reside in. If I do not push again on that with all the things that I’ve, I will not be capable of sleep at evening.
SM: That is your why.
ED: I’ve had some individuals ask me, Why do not you run for workplace or one thing? And actually, I would not know the place to start out. But when I can, by one thing like Instagram, assist 100 individuals vote who would not have voted, 100 individuals get entangled that you just would not have been concerned, individuals perhaps who will not be conscious that there’s this rising contingent of younger males on the proper who’re critical about returning to what they’re calling a household vote. Make no mistake: A household vote is eradicating my proper to vote. You might costume it up as a household vote and home made sourdough and tradwives and floral clothes and milking goats, no matter, you are taking my rights away. So if there’s something that I can do that may assist stem that tide or no less than maintain it off or reduce the affect of it to offer my daughter a greater probability of rising up in a world the place she has independence and he or she has equality and he or she has rights, the rights that I loved, the rights that my mother loved, if I can do a few of that, then yeah, I am completely going to try this.
I’d be mendacity if I mentioned that was the one factor that I take into consideration. I additionally love health. It has been an enormous a part of my life, particularly speaking about postpartum anxiousness and psychological well being. Health motion has been such a boon for me. I am really engaged on my certification for private coaching and licensed vitamin coach, which I am enthusiastic about even only for myself. Health while you’re 44 seems to be loads totally different than while you’re 24. You already know what I imply? And do not get me fallacious, extra energy to the 25-year-old health influencers on the market, however the 24 hours of their day are very totally different than the 24 hours in my day or in your day. I want suggestions and methods for a 44-year-old overtired mother in perimenopause, not somebody who’s like the best way to juggle courses and date evening together with your health.
SM: So new matter. I need to discuss nostalgia, significantly what peak ‘90s nostalgia is to you.
ED: I had an ex-boyfriend who talked about nostalgia being one of the highly effective forces for individuals and I fully agree. For me, do you keep in mind the present My So-Referred to as Life?
SM: Oh, yeah, I wasn’t allowed to observe it.
ED: I’m actually shocked that I used to be allowed to observe it. I watched each episode when it was really on ABC. When it received canceled, I used to be one of many individuals who was writing the letters into the community saying, It’s essential to carry this again. That was in all probability my first foray into activism to be completely sincere with you. I used to be like, I could make a distinction. I can write a letter and perhaps carry Angela Chase again.
SM: Oh, so good.
ED: For a number of years after that, MTV used to run it over and over. And I keep in mind I had gotten like a 13-inch tube TV that had a VCR constructed into it.
SM: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
ED: It was so, God, and I simply keep in mind pondering it was the peak of know-how. And it now, I do not even need to know what youngsters nowadays would consider it, however I can keep in mind getting these clean VHS tapes and ready and recording it. I used to be obsessive about Jordan Catalano and I had approach too many plaid shirts, approach too … I imply, it was the ’90s.
This interview has been edited and condensed for readability.
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