There. I stated it. I do know. It is mistaken on so many ranges. We’re each married with youngsters. We dwell worlds aside and midway throughout the globe from one another. Oh yeah, Bandit Heeler can also be a cartoon canine. Form of a dealbreaker. It may most likely by no means work, however is it so mistaken to dream of an idyllic lifetime of home bliss with an anthropomorphic animation?
I assume I’ve a historical past of occasional yearnings for soulful and witty drawn fictional characters. In the ‘90s, I fell arduous for Michaelangelo’s pizza-eating, sewer-skater, turtle teen vibes, and Captain Planet’s heart-powered environmentalism had me separating my plastics lengthy earlier than I understood the attraction of his rippled thighs in these tight crimson briefs. (There was additionally some degree of fascination with Garfield — in hindsight, I believe it was extra in regards to the lasagna.)
However now, simply after I thought I had put infantile cartoon fetishes apart, in trots Bandit Healer with a laid-back, playful perspective that rivals a ‘90s mutant turtle and the emotional intelligence of an elemental spirit warrior. It’s sufficient to carry again these outdated emotions of pet love. One minute I used to be watching a Bluey episode about friendship with my kindergartener, and the following I used to be fantasizing about making a blended household of canines and people lovingly gazing at one another from a sequence of squares, like a bunch of Furries cosplaying with the Brady Bunch.
Earlier than you begin considering I’m some type of wacko, I’d prefer to guarantee you that I’ve by no means had an impure considered any precise animals, Daddy Tiger, or any of Mr. Rogers’ affiliates. The mere point out of Daddy Pig together with his scraggly, pre-pubescent pig whiskers makes me wish to dry heave, and Arthur’s Dad is an aardvark, which is a bridge too far — even for me. However Bandit Healer is a uncommon gem amongst cartoon father figures; his attraction transcends species, his charisma subverts logic, and his animal magnetism is irresistible to a drained mother who simply desires to zone out with a cup of espresso whereas her youngsters are offered healthful leisure by somebody, anybody, apart from me.
Certain, Bandit has nice hair, an ideal snout, and flaunts his bare physique in just about each episode, but it surely’s his capacity to herd a litter with compassion, empathy and simply the correct amount of goofy optimism that earns him a spot on my high 5 utterly fictional and undoubtedly not actual record of “Cartoons I Wouldn’t Thoughts Taking for a Wild Romp.”
Other than his top-tier character, there’s loads of proof confirming Bandit’s role-playing abilities are unmatched, and I can solely assume this dog-man superhunk’s eagerness to please his household would lengthen into all areas of his life. That alone is so sizzling that I can neglect he has 4 legs and a tail.
The accent doesn’t harm both.
Bandit has a contagious, nonabrasive positivity that solely a canine can handle with out being annoying, and his emotional depth makes “Golden Retriever Husbands” look second finest to Blue Heelers. Have you ever seen Season 3, Episode 11 (Sheepdog) when Bandit runs interference, entertaining Bluey by pretending to be her wayward sheep so Chilli can get simply 20 fucking minutes to herself? That’s love. That’s dedication. That’s Bandit.
Episode after episode, Bandit Heeler raises the bar for man and canine alike together with his unwavering affection, frisky spirit, and candy nature. And I can solely assume his lack of clothes means our fictional coupling would free me from the tedium of placing a human companion’s soiled socks into the laundry bin and sure lead to some extra spontaneous rolls on the hay. Even when this unholy union between Bandit and me doesn’t work out, I’ll always remember our time collectively and the parenting lessons he taught me alongside the way in which.
Trending Merchandise
